My second post.  Well, at least I'm actually entering a second post.  The last time I starting a blog, I didn't get this far...!

I've been trying to come up with a title for an activist blog, because I want to keep my more personal ramblings separate from my political, environmental, and otherwise controversial (or not) posts.  I'm still scouring my neurons for the right sequence of words to string into an interesting title that will attract readers, and some income.  Once I get that blog started, I may or may not include a link to it from here.  Haven't decided what to do yet...

There is something inherently vulnerable about making any posts public, at least for me.  I tend to feel much safer being vocal from a more anonymous vantage point than sticking my literary neck out for people to take aim at.  There have been many famous writers who have used a pseudonym to hide their identity, for whatever reason they had at the time.  I am not a professional writer by trade, but I do have a lot of opinions which tends to lend itself to writing a lot.  Besides, writing is less scary for me than public speaking, which I basically suck at.  One of these days, I'll head back to Toastmasters and actually participate.

So, my quest for a pseudonym and activist blog title continues... 

I have been putting this off for ages.  I am referring to my delay in posting on my blog.  The thing is, I am an expert at wasting time, and it's not a skill I recommend.  It tends to breed a lot of regret.

Part of my procrastination has been due to a lack of blogging savvy, which has been feeding my internal perfectionist who hates not knowing how to do something.  She is a pain in my butt, and at the same time, she helps me to strive to be better than just average (whatever that really is).

Another factor in the delay is that there are parts of me that have the misguided belief that I don't deserve to be seen, heard, acknowledged, and perhaps, even prosper from merely expressing my opinions.  (I’ll explain “parts of me” in a future post.)

Perhaps the most egregious excuse I have been using is that I have been falsely convincing myself that there is plenty of time to put things off to do later.

When I was a kid, I could procrastinate my way out of just about anything.  My mom used to often say, “Tomorrow never comes,” usually in response to me saying, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”  I can’t recall where she got that saying, but I decided years ago that technically it’s correct.  My logic is:  At the stroke of midnight, a day changes from “today” into “yesterday,” and what was to be “tomorrow” instantly becomes “today.”

I don’t know if this makes sense, but it’s a brain teaser at the very least, kind of like that chicken and the egg thing…

It’s a challenge to be present when constantly looking to the future - even if from the immediate past.  I am still learning how to stay present and not worry about the other shit that I can’t change or have little control over.

The reality is:  Time is all we really have that is our own, and to waste it is to throw away moments of our life that we can never reclaim.  Never. 

For years, I have had an internal tug-of-war with these two old sayings:

“He who hesitates is lost.”

…and:

“Haste makes waste.”

WTF?

Talk about mixed messages…

However, what I am coming to grips with is the fact that the older I get, the more unwilling I am to hesitate because that very act of waiting - hesitating - wastes precious time that could be used to do something amazing, useful, exciting, fun, profound, goofy, fun, helpful, caring, life-changing, or just plain blissful.

And, I am so incredibly exhausted from fighting and losing battles with my fear.

So, my adventure into the world of blogging is just beginning.  I know that there will be typos and grammatical snafus along the way, too.

I invite readers to alert me to these and any other errors found in my posts.  I do request that all posts are civil, void of excessive foul language, and do not contain any hateful, bigoted, slanderous, libelous, or mean-spirited comments.

Sarcastic humor is okay as long as it is not too over the top.  I have been known to be rather acerbic at times, so I appreciate a good quip myself.

I also suggest that posts include sources, when applicable, so readers can explore additional information to perhaps gain a different perspective.  Heaven knows the state of our current media leaves a lot in question about what the truth actually is.

Well have to go for now - I have one of those useful (albeit mundane) things to do in the morning - getting my old car fixed and have to get some sleep - those damn mechanics start way too early in the morning.

Until next time, be safe, be happy, and be present…